LEARNING ABOUT LOVE… by Hannah Rowan

…From Hallmark movies.

Since I celebrated Halloween by getting a knee replacement, I’ve spent considerable time on the couch watching TV.  When I learned that a friend’s romance novel was made into a Hallmark Channel Christmas movie, I had to watch it.  Though it was a departure from my usual LAW AND ORDER, or CRIMINAL MINDS reruns, or from 90 DAY FIANCE, a reality show that for some reason has me in its thrall, I found myself not only watching that movie, but all the ones that came after it. Then I moved on to Lifetime Movies and a channel called UP.

My sleep schedule is in chaos and I can’t really do anything that doesn’t involve the couch, so I watched many, many movies. I might have dozed off during some, and I’m sure I haven’t seen them all, but I did begin to notice a distinct and disturbing pattern.

Maybe it bothers me more because I’ve been thinking about how nice it would be to live in the city.  My husband and I went into Manhattan for our anniversary--spent the night and saw a show. When I mentioned how much fun it would be to live there, he questioned my mental health.

But, if I lived according to these aforementioned movies, it would be perfectly fine for me to live in the city because I’ve already met the love of my life.  These poor women on TV who have successful if stressful corporate jobs and nice apartments in whatever big city are missing out.

What they need to do is spend time in an obscure little country town, either trapped there by transportation problems or some sort of family obligation.  (For some odd reason, the people in these towns all go caroling.  I have never seen anyone caroling here in the suburbs. The whole town population—which isn’t a lot because these are really, really small towns—turns out for the lighting of the Christmas tree on the town square. There is also usually a wise but crusty elderly waitress, or innkeeper, or grandpa, or whatever.)

Once the women have been exposed to this laid-back lifestyle, they realize that the man they thought they loved is a stuffed shirt, too attracted to money and appearances.  Or his family will be horrendous snobs who scoff at any display of holiday spirit on the part of the heroine.  The man and/or his family will hate dogs, or be allergic to dogs, or both.

The woman will realize she has an unexplored but burning desire to do something besides corporate life, such as open a bakery or run a bead and breakfast.  And though she is conflicted, she will realize that the man she met in this small town is the perfect match for her.

Maybe I just missed the movie where the female corporate exec finds love in the big city with an equally successful but kind and loving man.  It has to be out there somewhere, doesn’t it?